Why So Serious?

By Nathan

I should say that before all of this I never missed a day of school had lots of friends and prided myself on being a nice person . I’ve come from an upper middle class family that could have not loved me more.

It all started 8 years ago when I was 18 . As alot of peo- ple think when they first get to drink and party, I had that feeling of invincibility.

In my first year of college I made friends with a guy, that happened to work at a pharmacy , and he just showed up one day with a bag of random pills and gave them to me . Everybody but me seemed to know the names and what they did , for some reason I started to experiment with these .

I worked at harveys with alot of people my age, and with- in a brief time span almost every employee was doing cocaine during the working shift , even management . My group of friends changed and I started doing ecstacy.

As a person I changed completely, lost large amounts of weight became very agressive. My morals changed and I became a threat and a danger to myself and everyone around me . I lied all the time . I was living a secret dou- ble life .

Eventually about a year passed and I lost alot of money and was starting to feel more of the serious side effects from the drugs. I had to quit .

After a couple months I went to my family doctor and told him I believed I was depressed , soon enough I was catapulted into another drug riddled world , but its ok cause these are legal right ? No its not ok . I felt like a guinea pig for my doctor, “try this, or this , maybe this” Welbutrin, Effexor, Celexa, Lorazepam, Clonazepam, Attivan and 4 or 5 more I cant remember . I was experi- encing every side effect in the book.

At one point after several days of no sleep I was pre- scribed Zoplicone also known as Immovane. After just the first pill, I was hooked the most amazing thing I thought. These pills became a part of my life and me, These pills are in the benzo category and listed as a hyp- notic. They were my courage, my fun, my worry free , I took them before doing literally anything.

On top of all this I realized that my doctor was either not smart or didnt care and I took advantage of this almost every 10 to 15 days , coming up with the most ridiculous reasons for loosing my pills.

At this point I was 21 and had just been jumped and beat- en very badly in a bar by 4 people. My head was smashed into a table splitting my forehead wide open, I was punched in the face so many times my teeth went through my lip, and somehow my bottom eyelids were split. I was hospitalized, and never really found out who or why this happened .

Within 2 weeks I found that my girl- friend at the time was pregnant and I was to be a father, when her broth- er found out I was confronted in my underground parking and choked unconscious. 3 months later she had a miscarriage due to her sheer igno- rance and stupidity, she was smok- ing cigarettes and drinking while I was at work. 4 days later I came home and she had left, without as much as a goodbye. I was crushed. My addiction really took off and, I was taking 8-10 sleeping pills upon waking up in the morning this is  how my life went for 4-5 years. Sometimes taking so many I lost count. Many nights I lay in bed won- dering if I took one too many or if I would even wake up the next day.

Almost everything within that time is a blur. Due to large amount of Immovane causing amnesia.

I went to numerous counselors and therapists none seemed to want to give me the time of day, just more prescriptions.

I gave up. I moved to Barrie 2 years ago with my family and made  contact  with  the  CMHA,  Center for Mental Health and Addictions, I was appoint-  ed an Addictions councelor as I thought it was time to come clean to everyone about my addiction. I was young enough at the time to also get a youth councelor. These 2 people saved my life, they accepted me for who I was, I wasn’t forced to attend groups or classes.I felt like I might finally have a say. I was given the many options and given phone numbers for alot of crisis centers.

Why have I not heard of a crisis center till now? I attend- ed a mens self-esteem class, an addictions class (my option). This recovery process was very intense. I was made to realize the lethal amounts of Immovane I was ingesting everyday, and learned this medication was to be taken TEMPORARY!

I really had to reinvent myself and do a lot of inner search- ing, while being brutaly honest with myself. I was learning a lot about harm reduction.

This year I was able to break the barrier to my addiction which I never thought possible, my last pill was February 16th, which happens to be one day before my moms bday. Since then my life has done a complete 180°. This was not at all easy, I had to learn to deal with

panic, anxiety, memory loss, paranoia and depression without a crutch. I had to learn almost everything over

from feeling feelings to socializing. Clinically I have depression, ADHD, with a panic disorder small amount of agorophobia and definite memory loss.

I should say that I’ve always smoked marijuana, and do not believe it has any link to the harder substances in my past. If anything alcohol was a big part of lowering my morals and abili- ty the think smart. This is why I dont drink .

With this being said I now recently have found marijuana to be hugely beneficial to my quality of life. Last year I met Kyle who is now one of my very dear friends working at Mystical Gardens hydro shop in Orangeville. He’s a huge advocate for MMJ and really explained to me that it was pos- sible to get legal and live a happy and safe life.

He was right I made contact with the DO NO HARM CLINIC in British Columbia. They  believed in my recovery and my want to reduce my phar- maceutical intake while being able to medicate with a his- torical medicine, MMJ.

April of this year I was accepted into the health Canada mmj system .Also this year I was asked to be a guest speaker at the annual CMHA meeting. I  feel  like  me  again. I have really been captivated by the science of grow- ing this plant, as well as its many healing powers. I feel like a genius with everything I have been able to learn about this plant, and all of it has been self taught from pot mag- azines!

I am able to produce 100% organic high quality medicine of my choice, and make coconut oil capsules, tinctures, and all kinds of edibles. This would be impossible if I had to buy crappy pot from greedy dealers .

This year I went to the TY Expo which was my first marijuana event, it was so eye opening and it really opened some doors for me.

I met a very nice lady from Dinafem Seeds from Spain and they have been nothing but amazing to me, sending seeds and shirts and now asking to help with a few projects. Which is really a dream come true.

My outlook on life now is very positive. Marijuana has really saved my life and enabled me to live my life comfortably. I would like to thank TY for your very USEFUL and informative articles, and for letting me share my story.